Dreams

I'm sure that at one point or another, everyone had dreams. I'm talking of the dreams that we have when we're sleeping. Be it a fantasy or a nightmare. I had a weird dream last night where I was at an audition. Not sure if it's a singing, dancing or acting audition and to be honest it felt more of a career making interview and I can actually recognise some of my colleagues from school. Don't know why it was an audition. Anyway, we were waiting for hours and hours and suddenly, there was this trauma. I didn't exactly know what it was whether it was a car accident or a helicopter crash but I know there was a trauma and the hospital just got busier(p.s. the dream was set in a hospital). All of a sudden, this Anna Wintour looking woman came in and decided to divide the group into two. The other half was lead to another room or even building while we stayed in the same place. I woke up, but got back to sleep again. The dream continued but this time my group was outside and we are still waiting. Hours has gone past and there was still nothing but one thing is for sure, the other group was having the time of their life(I don't know why I know this, but I just did). And all of a sudden chaos disturbed my weird dream. The sky went dark and the lighting seemed like the perfect tone for a very dark film like Batman Begins. The building right in front of us turned purple/blue and on the top floor was a screaming voice- kinda like the devil's voice. Everyone was panicking and the Anna Wintour looking woman came back to us, shrieked and ran way. Panick was in the atmosphere but all I'm feeling is rationality. With just my courage in my hand, I stepped away from the crowd and towards the building and shouted "I am not afraid." The top floor projected an image of a guy who's more likely to be seen at a lecture for head and neck surgery- his nose fell off...looks like a cancer of the skin. And I said to myself that's just a medical condition, there's nothing to be frightened off and I shouted with a higher tone "I am not afraid, do what you can!" My friends and colleagues shouted "Shut the fuck up!" to me so I have to stay quiet and retreat back to the group and all of a sudden, my alarm went off.

Jung argued that dreams are an efficient language comparable to poetry. For example, Gillian Clarke wrote a poem comparing the irealnd catholic protestant peagood friday agreement like a lamb giving birth to it's child. So I thought to myself, maybe my dream is in fact a poetry about my situation right now but in a much more powerful and gripping language. It starts off with us going for auditions doesn't it? It's confusing because it felt like a job interview but at the same time an actual auditions. I suppose it can represent 2 auditions in life which is an audition for job and an audition for relationship. For job- well i told you it felt like a job interview and it was in a hospital after all so that's understandble. For relationships- well to "audition" for a relationship or "first date", you gotta dance, sing and act to get it don't you? And when you do get in, you get the job to dance, sing and act for a very succesful play(true love) e.g. Les miserables or maybe to a short-lived one e.g. Desperately Seeking Susan and end up with baggages(I heard DSS production team is in 3.5 million debt) p.s. sorry for the musical analogy. Anyway, the group was then divided into two, the happy ones who were called in first for the auditions and us, the single one without a date and hopeless. I gotta tell you, most of my friends were in my group and that's currently the situation. All of us are single and we usually sulk about this. I told you, I know that the other group was happy but I had no proof. Maybe it's my illusion that does in the other group i.e. those who are dating and in a relationship are happy even though I had no proof. Why? maybe I'm just kidding myself that people who are in a relationship are always happy which I know is not always the case. But still, it's great if that was true. And there I was standing in front of the scary building that I would like to call "commitment" and shouting I am not afraid. I'm trying to break away from the group of my friends and try not to be single but alas, I succumbed to their threats and came back. I certainly am dating more than my friends and I have been dating someone for about a month now. Here I am saying I am not afraid to commit yet in the end I backed down. Commitment is not everything for me but it would be nice to be in a committed relationship. It certainly takes balls of steel to commit yourself to someone. I know that I can...why? I barely have time for one guy, imagine fitting in two guys! I'm worried about the other person not being able to commit. That's my insecurity that pushes me away from the purple building. And of course it ended.

If this dream really is my subconscious trying to tell me my situation, then it's kinda bang on. Mind you, I'm not one of those people who actually analyses their dreams and try to predict my future. I just thought it would make a semi-interesting entry for my blog. One thing doesn't fit in though, I told you from the start of the analysis, there are two interpretations for the auditions, relationships and career. I didn' go for the career one which would probably involved me being grilled with questions by a group of consultants, I went for the singing, dancing and acting audition for a relationship. I always thought I would put my career first before relationships. Is my dream trying to say something?